Anxiety and Dating During A Pandemic: 5 Tips to Cope
So it’s 2021, and we predicted that we would chime in the new year with our friends and loved ones close, and be back to normal by this time. But that was not the case. The good news, we have vaccines available to the most vulnerable population and soon to all of us, and that the numbers of deaths and infections are lowering. Bad news, now what? How do we reengage with people when we’ve been disconnected so long? Long-term effects of staying safe and healthy have taken tolls on other parts of our lives that we didn’t expect… our relationships.
If you felt awkward before, now it’s prime anxiety time for those of us that are slowly re-emerging from our homes to go to work, starting to see family and friends again, and GASP…starting to date. The idea of meeting new people, even at a social distance, seems terrifying and anxiety-producing, if not impossible. Here’s the truth. We all are in the same boat. In fact, we all feel bouts of awkwardness and a lack of finesse with the outside world. In short, we all have something in common, some form of social anxiety or lack of practice in social situations. So how do we get over this feeling so we can move forward in our life?
Here are 5 techniques that have been proven to help people with anxiety ( and social anxiety) decrease hesitancy and uneasiness, while increasing confidence and connection with others, and in the process, with yourself.
Tip #1 Be honest and acknowledge the awkwardness.
Just the idea of sharing your uneasiness and vulnerability may seem like an impossible task, especially with a stranger. On the other hand, addressing the elephant in the room often relieves the tension. Stress has power over us, but this creates an opportunity to connect. These are the times when we can change our perspective on dating. We can move from wanting to be liked and being on “best behavior” to sharing a universal feeling and seeing how the other person responds. Here you can see if they are understanding and can empathize, and share their own stories. Or, if they tend to be more reserved and may not be able to provide what you may be seeking in a partner. This is more about you being authentic to yourself and others than seeking someone else’s approval.
Tip #2 Try an activity that is either out of your comfort zone or has been on your bucket list.
Focusing on a new activity is great. Sharing the newness and unknown often brings people together in conversation and shared experiences. Maybe they like paddleboarding, and you have never touched a surfboard, much less a paddleboard in your life. What an adventure! Plus having someone to share some expertise and knowledge can tell you a lot about their patience and interest in your well-being. This goes for men as well as women. When we try something new and our date enjoys the experience with us, without condescendence and impatience, it tells us a lot about how secure we feel with trying new things with them
Tip #3 Rethink your priorities in what you seek in a partner.
I have found that what people often put on their “must-have” list for a relationship, have either changed, or certain new qualities have entered the list, as others have left it. We often refer back to our old list when it comes to dating, but somehow it doesn’t feel right and makes us more anxious hoping that the next date will fill our needs. What I have found is that this unexpected pandemic has brought many of us a desire to reevaluate what we really need/want in a relationship. During this past year, many couples have weathered the storm and gotten closer, and many have found that their intense compatibility was more fleeting and in end, was not able to “save” the relationship.
Therefore, re-evaluate what is most important, what you need, and what you can provide in a relationship. Having that conversation(s) with yourself gives you a stronger sense of self, and helps ease the anxiety when meeting someone new. It’s a reevaluation of yourself and your needs. Therefore, now you are looking at potential partners with a new light and new purpose.
Tip #4 Practice, practice, practice.
Going on dates with potential people is honestly about practicing being yourself, and expressing boundaries. This is a skill we all need to learn, and in order to be able to do it with confidence, we have to practice. We put so much value in the first date, and often it is misplaced. Therefore if something goes awry, then we automatically think it’s our fault. This can lead us down a rabbit hole of self-shaming to a point of we are never going to find that perfect person. Or, that we are not worthy of one. Looking at dating from a perspective of what can I learn about myself, how can I challenge myself to express my opinions openly, with no judgment of how the partner responds, is an empowering skill to develop and nurture. Getting to know who you are and opening standing by your beliefs and boundaries. Which will in turn attract the people who respect that. And weeds out those who don’t deserve your time and energy.
Tip #5 Know what you don’t want from a relationship
Lastly, and I think most importantly, is that often we don’t know what we want or need in a relationship. We have a difficult time finding ourselves before we can meet someone who is our “match.” That’s where introspection, online therapy, and exploration of what preconceived notions of what our partners are supposed to become in. We can instead need to challenge those notions with what we really are looking for. Additionally, we need to identify what we provide for our partners. Social anxiety often derives from some variant of feelings of lower self-worth or insecurity in one’s ability to keep/maintain/deserve a good relationship. That is our own work. This cannot be solved by finding the perfect mate. In fact, this can only be achieved by owning and honoring our own self, and honestly knowing and believing in our value.
Here is where individual therapy in Long Beach, CA can help!
That’s where I believe in-person or online therapy in California can really help. There are proven results that various modalities of therapy can help people recognize their strengths and distance them from automatic negative self-talk. Sometimes this is caused by the environment we have grown up in. However, the truth is, you are not unlovable. You can find the relationship that fulfills you. In order to do this, first, you need to know how you can love yourself and fulfill yourself, in order to be able to know when someone else is doing or not doing the same. I am here as your therapy to help you through trauma, self-growth, healing, and a space to process. If you believe that therapy can help you. Please get in touch to see where we can begin.
“We all deserve a loving and healthy relationship”
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This past year has been crazy, but your anxiety doesn’t need to hold you back from being in a fulfilling and committed relationship. It’s important to do personal work on yourself, so you can be the person you need to be in a relationship. Working with an online therapist can help you achieve better self-love and perspective. At my online and in-person therapy practice, you can learn about me, your online therapist to see if we are a good fit. To get started, schedule your free consultation, or to get started with counseling in Long Beach, CA, follow these simple steps:
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Begin seeing your full worth and how you can engage in a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Other Mental Health Services at Healing Generations Counseling
At my therapy office, I offer online therapy at my Long Beach, CA counseling office. Other mental health services at Healing Generations Counseling include individual therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, life transitions, divorce recovery, trauma therapy, therapy for teens, support groups for teens, support groups for women, and EMDR Therapy. I also specialize in cross-cultural issues. If you’re dealing with intergenerational trauma or hurt in your family, processing this experience with a therapist may help.
Lastly, as a therapist, I specialize in working with families, cross-cultural issues, and PTSD, and intergenerational trauma. I also supply family therapy and support for parents. Lastly, I offer blended family sessions, parent-child conflict counseling, and counseling for sibling rivalry. Begin therapy today in Long Beach, CA, Orange County, CA, Los Angeles County, CA, or anywhere in the state via online therapy in California.