10 Questions To Consider When You Think You're Ready To Date Again After A Breakup
Ending a marriage or a long-term relationship is very emotional and taxing on a person. It’s one of the hardest things people will go through and sadly, almost everyone experiences a hard breakup. It’s common to battle back and forth between feeling like you’re ready to conquer the world as a newly single person, and feeling lonely and craving a comforting hug. Both are totally normal emotions to feel. Getting over an ex takes a different amount of time for everyone and you shouldn’t start to feel pressured to start dating again before you’re ready. Even when you hear the infamous question, “so, when are you going to start dating again?” That can often be an extremely difficult question to answer.
The Truth is…
Getting back in the dating game takes a different amount of time for everyone. Some people jump right back in, while others are more cautious and take their time. No matter your dating pace after a breakup here are some important questions to spend some time reflecting on when you’re thinking about dating again.
Questions to Consider When Considering Dating Again
Have you stopped the random bursts of tears and experiencing hopelessness?
Being emotionally fragile is a hard place to be and if you’re still surrounded by a pile of used tissues I wouldn’t recommend jumping back into the dating game. When you’re heartbroken anything could cause you to burst into tears -- an old song, a name, a memory, anything that brings back memories. You might think it will help you move on but ultimately, you will only wish the person in front of you is the person you’re still trying to get over. Take some more time to heal, and remember, it’s not a race.
Has it been a significant amount of time since they last crossed your mind?
When you’re fresh off a break up they are typically the first person you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night. And you probably don’t stop thinking about them throughout the day, either, which is normal. At a certain point, you might find your thoughts drifting away from them and more towards other things or people. A significant amount of time also has a different meaning for everyone. Maybe it took you until your morning commute to think of them. Maybe you went a day or two, or a whole weekend. The longer you go without thinking about them the more you’ll feel ready to move on.
Are you focused more on yourself than your ex?
The best time to start dating again is when you feel like you are confident and happy in your own skin most of the time. You do not have to be confident and happy all the time but you are not seeking the affirmation of someone else. In fact, you are putting yourself first and you feel like you don’t need another person to make you feel ok. You are focusing on making yourself happy again, on your own. If you’re struggling with this, then individual therapy or therapy for breakups can help you get to that space.
Have you stopped checking their social media?
It’s a very common thing to do right after a breakup. You want to keep tabs on what they’re doing, who they’re with, what they're posting, see if there are signs they’re missing you, too. Slowly this habit fades and you stop looking, but if they’re still popping up first on your search bar you’re probably not completely ready to start dating someone else. Take that time for yourself to recovery instead of hopping back into the dating scene. An online therapist is a great place to start.
Do you feel excited about dating again?
Dating is supposed to be fun! You should be excited to go out and meet someone new for the first time. In fact, you should be excited to learn your date and explore if this could lead to something more. It shouldn’t be stressful and dreaded. You shouldn’t be comparing your new date to your ex. If you don’t feel excited or ready, maybe it’s not the time to start dating someone new, which is fine! Remember, there is no rush.
Do you feel clarity with what you’re looking for after a breakup, separation, or going through a divorce recovery?
You’ve gained clarity since your last relationship and you’ve reflected on what you like and what you don’t like about your last relationship/partner. Therefore, you don’t feel like you regret it but instead, you’ve learned from it and you want to make positive changes for your next relationship.
Do you feel you can make time for someone new?
We hear this all the time -- no one is too busy for someone they really like, and it’s true.
Have you stopped talking about your ex regularly?
When you’re healing it’s common to talk about your ex, but after a certain point you have to stop, especially when it comes to dating new people. No one on a first or second date wants to hear, “my ex…” unless specifically asked a question. It’s not fair to the new person you’re going out with.
Are you emotionally available?
You have to be willing to make yourself emotionally available again. If you’re not, that’s ok, but it’s probably too soon to start dating and involve someone else’s emotions. If that is the case, then talk about it with a therapist in Long Beach, CA. If you’re looking for a service that supports you, individual therapy or therapy for breakups and divorce recovery can be a healthy space for you to heal.
Can you see the things you were at fault for in your relationship, too?
It’s easy to blame your previous partner on why things ended. However, being able to hold yourself accountable for your actions is also important.
Here is the thing about healing…
Moving on from a tough breakup or divorce is challenging, to say the least. Figuring out how to be on your own again after a period of depending on someone else takes time and strength. There is no rush to start dating again and you shouldn’t pressure yourself (or let others pressure you) to start dating again before you’re ready. Healing after a divorce, breakup, or separation takes time. You may be dealing with depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, or anger from the relationship. If you’re not in a space where it is healthy for you to date, it’s ok. Work on yourself so you can be in that space. Therapy for break-ups, divorce recovery, and individual therapy may be for you. I am here as your in-person or online therapist to help.
Begin Counseling For Divorce Recovery, Therapy For Breakups, Or Separation In Long Beach, CA, Orange County, CA, And Los Angeles County, CA Today!
If you’re not sure if you’re in a space where you can support a new relationship, that’s ok! Healing from a long-term relationship takes time. If you need help with this process, I am here to help you find peace and move forward without losing yourself. At Healing Generations Counseling, you will work with an understanding therapist who specializes in therapy for breakups, divorce recovery, and separation. To get started, schedule your free consultation, or contact me by following these simple steps to begin counseling:
Meet with me! Connie Hsu, your understanding therapist
Begin to heal, so you can find explore new and healthy relationships!
Other Mental Health Services at Healing Generations Counseling
Life transitions are part of life. It’s ok to need space to recover. We cannot always jump right back into a new relationship. If you’re needing support and help. I am here to help. However, if you’re looking for a different service, counseling for divorce, therapy for breakups, and separation is not the only service I offer in my in-office and online Long Beach, CA counseling practice.
Other mental health services at Healing Generations Counseling include individual therapy, multicultural counseling/cross-cultural counseling, marriage counseling and couples therapy, family therapy, PTSD treatment and trauma therapy, therapy for teens, therapy for breakups and divorce recovery, and EMDR therapy, and support groups for women, support groups for teens. All sessions are offered via online therapy in California, with limited in-person options. Begin therapy in Long Beach, CA, Orange County, CA, Los Angeles County, CA. I look forward to walking through your family’s life transitions and guiding you through the various stages of change.