How To Be Kind To Yourself With Your Goals (And How It Makes Them More Effective)


Ahhh, New Year, a fresh start, new goals, and the New Year Resolutions. My typical new year's resolutions are probably very similar to most everyone else: lose weight, exercise regularly, find love or strengthen the relationship I’m in.

I decided to take a different approach to resolutions and goal setting. I changed my mindset to create goals that seemed more enjoyable to me and that would fill my life with more self-love.

Self-love and self-care are two very important aspects of my life. I previously wrote about a few things I do to practice self-care, like making my bed every morning and scheduling ‘me-time,’ and I think it’s important to carry that over into the new year.

This helped me boost my confidence and inspiration to achieve my new mindful goals for the year and maybe you can find some new motivation and confidence, just like I did, with this approach.

These resolutions include:

No diets or quick fix health fads, instead to eat more mindfully and re-engage in feeding my body what it wants.

There are no "bad" or "good" foods, therefore I'm not a bad person for eating pizza or fast food.  I'm cutting myself a little more slack, and I realize I don't need to belittle myself when I choose unhealthy foods. Making certain foods taboo entices me to eat them more because they are more seductive in a way, so to take away that power, I let myself eat them. Allowing myself the choice to eat unhealthy food doesn’t make it feel forbidden anymore, and that makes me not crave them as much or as often as I thought I did before.

Find something to do that I might enjoy and always wanted to try and feed my curiosity and explore.

Something I’ve never enjoyed doing is exercise. Some people love it, they rejuvenate and have an easy time getting motivated to do it regularly. But for me, just the word makes me exhausted and then I am discouraged at my “lack of discipline.” After a long day, the last thing I want to do is go to the gym and I realize that it’s not the exercise I don’t like, as much as the meaning I put behind it - boring, painful, strenuous, continuous activity that I have to maintain and not enjoy every other day for 30 minutes, and then feel bad about myself if I skip.

Finding something that I enjoy in place of it that fed my curiosity came to me three years ago: rock climbing. I’m addicted. I love it and most times I don't even realize it's exercise.  It was something I was always curious about doing, and always wondering how and why people do it, and one day decided, "okay, I will try it and see what it's about..." and the rest is rock climbing history.  It was something new and so much to learn and exciting. I discovered that I could enjoy it indoors and eventually, I discovered a new excitement of doing it outdoors. So I do that and can say I enjoy “exercise.’

Finding new ways to express self-love, and change the relationship I have with myself.

Relationships can take so much out of us. Focusing on finding a partner and looking for ‘the one’ is so stressful and can create so much self-doubt. It often leads to us sacrificing our relationships with ourselves, and that’s never a compromise we should make. Just like Ariana Grande’s song, “thank u, next” you can learn from each of your relationships, but you ultimately learn the most from the one you nurture with yourself. Once that relationship is solidified, then you truly know what you want and would like to share with another human.

Self-sabotaging and calling ourselves names, along with being so critical and hard on ourselves while dating shows other’s how to treat us. And no one wants to be treated the way we treat ourselves at that time. I learned the importance of treating myself with kindness and no longer using words that are harmful and depreciate to my own values.

Mindset is everything and the more you realize and learn about the self-destructive behaviors in your life, along with your unhealthy patterns, the better your odds are at changing them. Once you change them you feel freer to live a more fulfilling life. Sometimes pin-pointing these habits can be challenging so seeking professional help can be a benefit to you to work through and break these patterns.

Setting resolutions or new goals for yourself doesn’t have to be restrictive anymore. Instead of replacing things completely, be gentle with yourself and ease yourself into these transitions to make them feel more natural. Add more things you love into your life to create healthier habits, instead of feeling like you’re taking them away.

I’d love to hear in the comments below about your relationship with new year’s resolutions and if you’ve tried anything like this before.

SelfBecca MartinComment