Finding Friendship as an Adult Woman
Friendship is a valuable part of life, no matter how old we are. At times, however, it can be difficult to make friends as an adult woman. It can feel like being in high school all over again when it’s hard to break into established circles and feel like you truly belong. You may even be thinking, “Am I the only one who doesn’t know how to make friends?” But don’t despair, there are ways to make meaningful connections with other women and build the friendships you want! Here are tips for finding friendship as an adult woman
The Global Pandemic of 2020 Has Highlighted the Importance of Connection For Women.
We need emotional regulation and connection with other women to get it. These connections are different than those we have with our spouses, families, or children. We need to feel like we're not alone and have our feelings validated. When connecting with other women we can allow ourselves to be honest about how we feel and be supported by them.
This is a unique challenge for women coming out of college and entering the adult world, as many are now doing it virtually. It can be difficult to make meaningful connections when you are not face to face, and being physically apart from everyone else can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. It is possible to find friendship as an adult woman even after going through a global pandemic and dealing with the challenges that come with it.
Women Have Suffered During the Pandemic
Since the pandemic, many women have had to reset their expectations of how they would find friendship and connection. There are women in their 30s or so with no bond or connection in their workplace, or at all, due to working from home and being physically apart. Then there are the younger women who are just now beginning to enter the adult world and may be feeling overwhelmed and stuck.
All these women are suffering from this disconnect from the community and are feeling isolated and alone. This can lead to physical and mental health issues such as fatigue, sickness, migraines, shakes, and more. At first, during the pandemic, everyone attempted to stay connected through Zoom, game nights, and other online activities, however, these have slowly died out due to the lack of meaningful connection. There is only so much you can do over Zoom. However, there is still hope!
Accept Yourself Where You Are
When trying to find friends as an adult woman, accepting yourself where you are is an important step. It is important to recognize that you have grown and changed throughout the pandemic and to appreciate what you have been through in order to be where you are today.
Everyone has a story, and it must be shared with others.
Verbalizing your experiences can change your brain chemistry, and the more you acknowledge it the better. The more you acknowledge it, you are grounding your story in reality and it will become easier to accept yourself for who you are. However, when it goes sideways, it is important to have a therapist or someone you can talk to to help ground and validate your experiences. Their job will not be to sugarcoat or minimize your feelings, but to help you be your authentic self. For example, instead of saying something like “My mom should be doing more for me” or “My husband should be understanding,” the therapist will help you work through your feelings and understand why it is hard to accept yourself.
Help Yourself Be the Authentic Self You Are
Once you've accepted yourself for who you are, it's time to start working on yourself. This means learning new skills and finding ways to expand your knowledge and understanding of what you have been through. It is important to have the skills and tools to navigate the unknown. Therapy can be helpful to provide you with these tools and skills, as well as to help you manage any difficult emotions that may come up.
Learn Skills to Navigate Connections
Having skills to help you navigate connections with other women is helpful. Building relationships with other women is a unique challenge since it goes beyond the superficial. You need to be able to be vulnerable, open, and honest. These skills may look like Idea Therapy, which helps you to see your story differently, and GIVE Skills, which give challenges to help you gain a different perspective.
These skills will show you how your perceptions change everything. When you are given skills, things will change. It will be like a ripple in the water. You can use them to find connections with other women. You can join online clubs, reconnect with old friends and colleagues, as well as look for new ways to meet people. These new tools will give you the confidence to reach out and connect, as well as set boundaries if needed.
As your therapist, I am here to join you in your journey. I will carry your hope until you are ready to carry it yourself and help you break down the big steps into small ones. Such as acknowledging and celebrating your successes and helping you find what you are looking for.
Acknowledge and Celebrate Your Successes
Since we as humans are innately based on our wins, acknowledge and celebrate your successes. Even the small ones. This may be making a connection with a new friend or working on your skills to navigate connections. Celebrating successes, no matter how small, is essential in order to have hope and motivation. Another way to find motivation and joy is to look at the small changes you have made in the past few weeks and see how far you have come. Acknowledge the changes from days 1-5 and then 1-10 will help you to see how far you have come. You will notice that the changes you make, no matter how small, will lead to bigger successes in the future. Even with connection, it takes time but the more you practice, the more comfortable and confident you will become in connecting with others.
Mourn the Idea of Relationships Being Easy
You're a woman who has made it this far in life. You have learned numerous lessons and endured many hardships. As you continue to learn and grow, you know that relationships will not always be easy. This is why it is important to mourn the idea of relationships being easy and accept that sometimes it takes work, dedication, and effort to build lasting relationships.
Individual therapy can help you process how you want your relationships to be and what kind of person you want to be in them. To help with this process, your therapist can ask you meaningful questions like “What are you looking for? A best friend? A close intimate relationship? A social outlet? A group of friends?” This will help you begin to dissect what you are looking for in relationships, as well as give you the tools to find what you are looking for.
The Negative Feelings That Come With Seeking Connections
Seeking a connection can unfortunately bring up negative feelings that can prevent you from connecting. Rejection, shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, and lack of motivation are common feelings that come up when seeking connection. They also limit what we are capable of as women who are seeking friendship and connection with other women.
These feelings that you are experiencing are valid but you will need to come up with a strategy to manage them. They will not disappear. However, they can become tolerable when addressed and managed correctly.
In therapy, if these feelings are triggered by past trauma that involves friendship, then it can be helpful to talk through these feelings and discuss how they might impact your ability to connect with other women. How you would react to the same situation now vs. then can help provide insight and bring about understanding and healing. When you are experiencing these negative feelings, you can also think about the strengths and values you would bring to any relationship. This can help lift your spirits and empower you to take action.
Try Things Out and See How They Feel
When I see women who are seeking connection and understanding, I like to offer them support in the form of resources that can be used as a tool. I phrase this as asking them to try things on for size, to see what works and what doesn’t. We all have a closet of clothes that 90% we don’t wear and 10% that we do. Try something on and see how it feels. See what works and what doesn’t.
As people, we are very comfortable with being uncomfortable because it is what we know. Learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable is a process. When change starts, it is uncomfortable. For example, when you try something new, like trying to meet new people, it is uncomfortable. As you continue to practice, take risks and push yourself, the discomfort will become more comfortable and you will start to see changes.
Interested in Individual Therapy in Newport Beach, CA?
Your experience is unique and seeking connection is different for everyone. The pandemic has made it especially difficult for women to find connection and understanding. Talking with a therapist can help provide insight and clarity into how you want to approach building connections. To get started, schedule your free consultation, or to get started with individual therapy in Newport Beach, CA, follow these simple steps:
Learn More About Me! Connie Hsu, your online therapist
Begin Learning How to Build Authentic Connections!
Other Mental Health Services at Healing Generations Counseling
Besides seeking connection, you may be interested in other mental health services that Healing Generations Counseling at my online and in-person therapy practice located in Long Beach, CA. Other mental health services at Healing Generations Counseling include individual therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, life transitions, divorce recovery, trauma therapy, therapy for teens, support groups for teens, support groups for women, and EMDR Therapy.
I am here to provide a safe and supportive space for you. Let me help put you on the path to understanding yourself and creating the connections you need. I also specialize in cross-cultural issues and offer blended family sessions, parent-child conflict counseling, and counseling for sibling rivalry. Together we will explore the negative emotions you may have been feeling and identify ways to manage them. Contact Healing Generations Counseling in Long Beach, CA, Orange County, CA, Newport Beach, CA or Los Angeles County, CA to get started. You can also find relief and support through online therapy anywhere in California.